It’s a jungle out there – especially in the online dating world. You have Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, PlentyofFish and more – do you sadly make a profile on all of them and trawl people’s profiles in the hope of finding your true love, or do you throw caution to the wind and go it alone? I’m erring on the side of going it alone… if only because I’ve had some weird ass messages on dating sites. And here begins this series – weird shit guys have sent me when trying to date/fuck. All single girls have probably received similar messages to these, but not many people air their dirty online dating laundry in public. I’m not most single girls, so here’s all the weird shit people have said to me on OkCupid…
Love yourself first
Cliché, but true. Don’t use relationships to ‘fix’ yourself, or go on the hunt for someone to ‘complete’ you. You’re not a singular puzzle piece – you’re the whole fucking jigsaw! Find yourself first and learn to be fine with every part of you. Not necessarily in the ‘travel to a far off land and find your spirit animal’ way (being off your tits for months in Asia isn’t always the best way to know yourself!) Just know yourself fully and like yourself as a person, so you don’t spend your time trying to find someone to make you whole.
Don’t feel forced to ‘find someone’
But equally, don’t feel forced to be single and dating around. You don’t have to fit in with the types of relationships your friends and coworkers are involved in. You want someone to watch T.V and snuggle with? You want to sleep with whoever you want, whenever you want? Either of these are fine. Any grey shade in between them is fine (poorly-written erotica reference?) Basically, work out what you want and go from there. If you want nothing to do with either sex in a romantic or physical way, that’s peachy too, but this post might be fairly boring.
Desperation ain’t cute
Or helpful. If all you’re looking for is someone to love you back, you’re going to end up on some pretty boring dates with people you don’t have much in common with. People are usually pretty good at sensing if you’re into them or just into the idea of a partner. So just… don’t.
Learn to accept rejection
This sounds way harsher than it is. I don’t mean it in a ‘have-no-emotions-so-nothing-fazes-me’ way. I guess a better way to put it would be to overcome any fears you have of rejection. Don’t be afraid to go for it just because you’re scared of being rebuffed. If your mind’s anything like mine (and if it is – I’m sorry!) the worst case scenario might be some teen-movie-esque humiliation. In reality, the worst that can happen is a ‘no’. If you can stop seeing this ‘no’ as humiliating and embarrassing, you cut a huge stressor out of dating as a whole. I’d wager that the fleeting moment of self-consciousness or embarrassment after receiving a ‘no’ is much easier to brush off than always wondering ‘what if I’d have been more open?’ I know it’s not anywhere near as easy as I’m making it sound, but it’s something that takes practice. Once you realise that rejection isn’t the end of the world, it becomes easier to initiate dating scenarios in the future.
Learn to say ‘no’
Kind of the reverse of the previous point, really. I’ve always been a big people-pleaser – I loathe the feeling I get when people are mad or upset with me. This usually meant that I would stay with people that I didn’t necessarily want to be with for fear of hurting their feelings. That’s not great for either of you. You’ll feel shitty in the relationship and know why, they’ll feel shitty in the relationship and won’t know why. As bad as it may feel in the short-term, it’ll feel a lot better for both of you in the long-term. So if your relationship isn’t making you happy, or you don’t feel a ‘spark’, don’t be afraid to break it off just to spare short-term feelings.
Contrary to popular belief, dating isn’t the most serious thing in the world. Don’t focus on it too hard, and it will happen. Enjoy dating – it’s fun! Tinder it up, or let it happen naturally. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should date, because there’s no right way for anyone. Do what makes you happy.