Online Dating Chronicles – Welcome to the OkCupid Jungle

online dating mishaps

It’s a jungle out there – especially in the online dating world. You have Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, PlentyofFish and more – do you sadly make a profile on all of them and trawl people’s profiles in the hope of finding your true love, or do you throw caution to the wind and go it alone? I’m erring on the side of going it alone… if only because I’ve had some weird ass messages on dating sites. And here begins this series – weird shit guys have sent me when trying to date/fuck. All single girls have probably received similar messages to these, but not many people air their dirty online dating laundry in public. I’m not most single girls, so here’s all the weird shit people have said to me on OkCupid…

 

Okay… we’ll start with a tame one. Cheesy chat up lines, I get it. Is he trying to be ironic? Did he forget he sent me the first message before he sent the same chat up line again? So many questions, but a disabled account means not many answers – clearly his chat up lines weren’t working so well for him?

 

You are an adult man… why are you talking like a 13 year old chav? I literally have not heard the term ‘sexi bum’ since I was still wearing Timberlands and Bench jackets.

 

Ummmm… okay?

 

Sadly not a prostitute, so…

 

I honestly don’t even know what’s happening here… is he negging himself? Is humiliation his thing? Is he just weirdly honest about his ‘less than 5 inch’ penis?!

 

This starts fairly normal but descends into weirdness fucking quick. When normal people say ‘one of those days!’ they’re referring to the fact they messed something up or did something different, not asked a complete stranger whether they’d swallow or spit your cum. How do people think this is a normal conversation starter?!

 

‘It’s big and I like u’ is not going to get me to accept your creepy dick pic.

 

This isn’t creepy, but I’m including it because it’s just the perfect way to win a girl’s heart – compliment her eyebrows.

 

Uhh.. no, not in so many words.

What? Is? Happening?

 

Just… ughhh.

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